Our new and exciting range of services will be launched soon!

Highlights will include:

• "Basic" and "Gold" Community Hosting Packages.

• Guaranteed 100% downtime (unparalleled in the marketplace).

• Guaranteed Backup failures - we promise not to keep any secure backups of your data.

• Guaranteed Data failure - we promise not to keep any of your data in the first place.

• No Customer Services - to keep our costs as low as possible and our profits as high as possible.

• No 30 Day money back offers.

• No choice of web hosting platforms: anything we host will be using an old Pentium processor - we've probably got a 166MHz chip lying around here - and as little memory as we can get away with.

We have learned many valuable lessons from other market-leading community/forum/BBS providers and have decided that rather than investing your fees in decent but expensive hardware, software programming, security and bandwidth, we'll spend them on frippery and luxury items instead.

We've also decided that any customer who complains about our shoddy service or even shoddier customer services will be banned from using the services (that we won't be providing anyway).

We're also planning to launch a new customer service premium-rate telephone line where you wait in line for ages without any answer at £1.50 a minute or whatever rate we can manage to screw out of you. It'll be called "yuku" (geddit? "You Queue").

In the meantime, you could always try some of these services: we have, to make sure our web sites and discussion forums work, unlike some other players in the market...

Here are some other ads. to help us make even more money. We've probably not used these advertisers' goods or services ourselves before, so we don't vouch for them.